🐦‍🔥Phoenixing Postscript (Part Seven)

Catch up on parts one, two, three, four, five, and six of the Fawning-to-Phoenixing series:

🦌 On Fawning—and Why I Was Wrong About My Most Toxic Trait, Part One

View from the stage yesterday at the Women Warriors Summit in West Virginia

“What brings us to our various dark woods is frequently interpreted as an external violation of the soul, an intrusion on a smoothly flowing life, whether from the acts of others, from the fates, or by our own choices. Yet just as often, inexplicably, it is the soul itself that has brought us to that difficult place in order to enlarge us, to ask more of us than we planned on giving.”

—James Hollis, Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life

I did it.

We did it.

I rose—we flew—in service of the room, even for a day yesterday—and then hopefully, another day someday soon, and another one after that.

womenwarriorssummit

A post shared by @womenwarriorssummit

It was my first time sharing the arc of my pandemic story from the stage—the biggest one I’ve been on in the last ten years—and for some reason, I decided it would be a good idea to do that in front of nearly one thousand women. Actually, I know the reason: because they deserve to hear the truth.

It didn’t matter that I was sidelined by a nasty stomach bug a week ago, into the wee hours of Sunday morning, losing two days of critical practice, worrying that I wouldn’t even make the plane on Wednesday. I didn’t matter that, in my recovery dip on Tuesday night, I threw a pity party and said to my husband through sobs that I’m a fraud and I shouldn’t even be on stage giving a pivot keynote, because look at me, I don’t even have my own figured out.

It didn’t matter.

“The audience needs you to shine,”

Mike Ganino

told us at his Make a Scene book launch party at an intimate Soho loft in January. “When you go to a Broadway show, you don’t want to see the performers hemming and hawing, embarrassed to be there, apologizing for being on stage. You want them to be larger than life!”

I have been planning for this event since May, and every step of it has been a blessing. Getting the job after the organizers found me from a Google search looking for a Pivot-related keynote speaker, swinging a huge door open for my career this year. Then, being asked to bring in Pivot facilitators to animate follow-up sessions after my kick-off keynote, enabling me to hold the door open for three dear friends just as the Women Warriors Summit founder, Alys Smith, did by inviting me.

I didn’t even tell you it was happening, dear Dohnuts, because I didn’t want to jinx anything. But the four of us have been planning for this day on the stage for months, treating it almost as a full-time job for these last two.

It paid off. We rocked the first half of the day yesterday—an hour for the kick-off Pivot keynote (me), then thirty minutes each from the fabulous trio of Petra Kolber, Selena Soo, and Laura Garnett, followed by a twenty-five-minute fireside chat-style Q&A with all of us to close out before lunch. Be as vulnerable as you can, I guided the team for that last segment—this is our chance to get real, to imagine we are sitting at coffee one-on-one with every member of the audience.

We laughed, we cried, and we told the truth about picking outfits and the wrong men. We shared our current struggles, but when one audience member asked a question about a favorite failure, I was the only panelist who didn’t answer that one—I didn’t quite know what to say. Then, another submitted, “Jenny, I must know. How did you make it financially when you lost 80%+ of your income in 2020?!?!”

“Well . . . I am still struggling,” I said, choking back unexpected tears. “I am still figuring it out. I feel like I am failing in my role as a breadwinner and business owner. I wasn’t going to say anything, but the organizers can’t fire me now! I’ve been referring to these last few years as my Flop Era.”

A laugh rippled through the arena as I felt the pressure release from my chest, airing out the hidden parts I had been holding inside, but unsure whether to reveal or not. Make me a messenger is the prayer I say every morning before I speak. I ask to be a channel for whatever the room needs to hear that day.

In my experience, shining isn’t just about fake-it-‘til-you-make-it bravado—maybe for some—it’s also a gift to shine the light of truth, even if that truth is messier than I’d like it to be, or than others think it should be.

One school of thought would’ve been to pretend I’m a hugely successful keynote speaker and let that sole impression help build momentum. But it just doesn’t work for me at a soul level. It interferes with my even bigger intention to be a messenger, to help the women in the room feel seen and to feel less alone in their struggles. My school: tell the truth, as long as its in service of the room, and let the follow-up cards fall where they may.

It felt so good to tell those women what was real and true, how grateful I was just to be up there on stage at all after the rollercoaster of these last five years. I knew that any one of them could’ve been on that stage, sharing their stories of resilience, too.

Petra closed us out before lunch with a beautiful poem, “She Let Go.”

In Wednesday’s community prompt, I asked what “F” phase might follow Phoenixing:

• Jacqueline Fisch
  of Energy-First Writing said, “Flourishing and flowering. The Phoenix doesn’t just rise from the ashes, she MAKES them. Once the dust settles, the ground transmutes the burned material into flourishing flowers. 💐”

• Russell Nohelty
  of
  The Author Stack
  said, “Floating, which is taking stock of what was lost, finding balance and equilibrium, as you figure out what’s next.”

• Jenna, a licensed therapist, Pivot coach, and dear friend suggested, “Forging: building something new and stronger from the ashes.”

Yesterday’s event was magic. We phoenixed. We flourished, flowered, floated, and forged our way through an incredible event, and getting to do it with friends made it even sweeter. It went off even more brilliantly than my wildest dreams, beyond what I would have dared to dream—made possible by the fastidious crew and the three incredible women who also gave it their all alongside me, making a combined impact far greater than what any one of us would have achieved alone. Next stop, world tour ;-)

As I said in part five, I’m not back where I started pre-pandemic; I am somewhere new. More aligned, more creative, more vulnerable, more honest, and more humble. Maybe some of these gifts of grace have been given to you, too.

Sure enough, by far the most frequent piece of feedback we received for the rest of the afternoon, milling about once the four of us could kick back and relax with the pressure off: “Thank you for being so vulnerable. I really needed to hear that today.”

When emcee Soledad O’Brien asked a group of high schoolers over lunch what their favorite takeaway of the day was so far, they replied, “Knowing that even the adults don’t have it all figured out.”¹

❤️

1. 🛫 One more fun highlight: Petra and I both separately get auto-upgraded to First Class for the first leg of our flight home, and by total coincidence, assigned to adjacent seats 😍

👉 If you enjoyed this post, you might also appreciate:

🧭 Pivot with Purpose: A Pep Talk, Part One

🥀 Missing Ingredient, Part One

🏊🏻‍♀️ The Daily Ritual I Refuse To Do Without, Part One

🌱 The Lucky Seedling, Part One

🎤 The one thing I forgot to say to my speaking career these last four years . . .