Hi Jenny, I love this post and can relate as a recovering People Pleaser myself, and as a therapist who works with many a People Pleaser. Your intention to not allow praise to be your currency anymore is so important, I think! I was literally just talking to a client last week about this. I have seen clients who are so attached to external validation, that it can literally be the factor that keeps them going in a job that they really don't like in and of itself. Also, if you're ever interested, I was interviewed about People Pleasing for an online magazine. Let me know if you want the link (no pressure!).
Hi Viki!! All credit goes to Jamie Varon who wrote this great piece :)) And yes, please do link to yours here in the comments!! I’d love to check it out, and I know others would too ☺️ Here’s where you can check out more of Jamie’s work: http://jamievaron.com
Nodded along to all of this. I had a realisation a few weeks back that due to the absence of attention, affection, approval, love and validation for just existing, one of the key ways my people pleasing showed up in my work was inadvertently being reliant on the praise and validation I’ve received. It was so subtle yet insidious and led to overgiving and a fear of being more vocal about money and then endangering the praise and validation. There was also the recognition that people pleasing makes you take things personally, so when, despite all your overgiving, people don’t buy something without your explicitly having to ask or even after you make it clear, it feels wounding and rejecting. So then you go back to doing the stuff that gets praise but doesn’t necessarily generate income. Messy shit!
I soo hear you on this! I have a draft called, "I want you to like me" that I can't bring myself to publish because it's a) so true and b) I have no neat resolution other than exactly what you said — reminding myself to stay the course of doing what I feel called to do; the middle path (somehow) between what gets praise and what gets paid. Or maybe it's a completely sideways path that's not even on the radar of those two things! I'm open to that too, and that's where the really pioneering ideas and thoughts come from . . .
Hi Jenny, I love this post and can relate as a recovering People Pleaser myself, and as a therapist who works with many a People Pleaser. Your intention to not allow praise to be your currency anymore is so important, I think! I was literally just talking to a client last week about this. I have seen clients who are so attached to external validation, that it can literally be the factor that keeps them going in a job that they really don't like in and of itself. Also, if you're ever interested, I was interviewed about People Pleasing for an online magazine. Let me know if you want the link (no pressure!).
Hi Viki!! All credit goes to Jamie Varon who wrote this great piece :)) And yes, please do link to yours here in the comments!! I’d love to check it out, and I know others would too ☺️ Here’s where you can check out more of Jamie’s work: http://jamievaron.com
Ahhhh yes, I thought the title was yours...but I did see that Jaime Varon wrote the fantastic piece under your introduction. Thanks for clarifying!
Thank you for asking for the link here to my article. If you look at it, ignore the ridiculously ginormous photo of me that they added! :/
Here it is: https://medium.com/authority-magazine/victoria-stith-on-how-to-recover-from-being-a-people-pleaser-1d99abe77da5
Happy weekend, Jenny!
Nodded along to all of this. I had a realisation a few weeks back that due to the absence of attention, affection, approval, love and validation for just existing, one of the key ways my people pleasing showed up in my work was inadvertently being reliant on the praise and validation I’ve received. It was so subtle yet insidious and led to overgiving and a fear of being more vocal about money and then endangering the praise and validation. There was also the recognition that people pleasing makes you take things personally, so when, despite all your overgiving, people don’t buy something without your explicitly having to ask or even after you make it clear, it feels wounding and rejecting. So then you go back to doing the stuff that gets praise but doesn’t necessarily generate income. Messy shit!
I soo hear you on this! I have a draft called, "I want you to like me" that I can't bring myself to publish because it's a) so true and b) I have no neat resolution other than exactly what you said — reminding myself to stay the course of doing what I feel called to do; the middle path (somehow) between what gets praise and what gets paid. Or maybe it's a completely sideways path that's not even on the radar of those two things! I'm open to that too, and that's where the really pioneering ideas and thoughts come from . . .