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Victoria Kai's avatar

Hi Jenny, I love this post and can relate as a recovering People Pleaser myself, and as a therapist who works with many a People Pleaser. Your intention to not allow praise to be your currency anymore is so important, I think! I was literally just talking to a client last week about this. I have seen clients who are so attached to external validation, that it can literally be the factor that keeps them going in a job that they really don't like in and of itself. Also, if you're ever interested, I was interviewed about People Pleasing for an online magazine. Let me know if you want the link (no pressure!).

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Natalie Lue's avatar

Nodded along to all of this. I had a realisation a few weeks back that due to the absence of attention, affection, approval, love and validation for just existing, one of the key ways my people pleasing showed up in my work was inadvertently being reliant on the praise and validation I’ve received. It was so subtle yet insidious and led to overgiving and a fear of being more vocal about money and then endangering the praise and validation. There was also the recognition that people pleasing makes you take things personally, so when, despite all your overgiving, people don’t buy something without your explicitly having to ask or even after you make it clear, it feels wounding and rejecting. So then you go back to doing the stuff that gets praise but doesn’t necessarily generate income. Messy shit!

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