From the protagonist in Donna Tartt's Pulitzer Prize-winning 2013 novel: "Why am I made the way I am? Why do I care about all the wrong things, and nothing at all for the right ones?"
We are all flawed in different ways. We like things that get our attention. Bad things are interesting. Contemplating them for the depressed or obsessive is hoping to add to the mental archive of things to avoid, or that might be dangerous. So, we look for more things like that. Avoid, manage the fear. Control life!
I have some bad news. Life is dangerous. Death is inevitable. We try and get as much life as we can, but there never exists complete control.
So then life becomes a control game. Some worry, some try and get as much fun and interest out of the time they have. Some, like myself in my youth, look for danger and excitement to make exclamation points in their existence. I'm still surprised I survived my folly, but that's another issue.
In the book "the Denial of Death" by Becker, you only have two choices. To Live or to Die.
The rest, is just bargaining.
How do we do it. Hiding, avoiding, blaming, fearing. Or trying to live full throttle ignoring the risks (I recommend skipping this one, ask me how I know) or accepting the inevitability of finite life, and trying to live a balanced existence, acknowledging the fear but also recognizing the positive times, when the occult fear of dying does not color the joys , or satisfactions, or even times of quiet peace in your life.
This is the balanced adult transformation. Not always easy to achieve. It came to me over a long time. Take a deep breath. Say, OK, I won't live as a carefree youth forever. What can I do now......
Beautifully said, as always Phil — thank you! The Becker book is one of my husband's favorites; it's on my shelf but I haven't read it yet, so thank you for the reminder! Among so many other wise words and reflections here, I really appreciate the time you took to share 🙏
I always love your book and podcast recommendations! The passage you provided from The Goldfinch is irrestible. Trying to buy less books this year and use my local library more. It's in my queue. ;-)
Thank you Cristy, I love it! Mine are piled to the sky, so I should be doing the same :D The Goldfinch is a zinger of a story plot-wise (and a bit depressing), but from a craft perspective it's just unbelievable — I can't wait to hear what you think :)
As I am old I have some perspective on this.
We are all flawed in different ways. We like things that get our attention. Bad things are interesting. Contemplating them for the depressed or obsessive is hoping to add to the mental archive of things to avoid, or that might be dangerous. So, we look for more things like that. Avoid, manage the fear. Control life!
I have some bad news. Life is dangerous. Death is inevitable. We try and get as much life as we can, but there never exists complete control.
So then life becomes a control game. Some worry, some try and get as much fun and interest out of the time they have. Some, like myself in my youth, look for danger and excitement to make exclamation points in their existence. I'm still surprised I survived my folly, but that's another issue.
In the book "the Denial of Death" by Becker, you only have two choices. To Live or to Die.
The rest, is just bargaining.
How do we do it. Hiding, avoiding, blaming, fearing. Or trying to live full throttle ignoring the risks (I recommend skipping this one, ask me how I know) or accepting the inevitability of finite life, and trying to live a balanced existence, acknowledging the fear but also recognizing the positive times, when the occult fear of dying does not color the joys , or satisfactions, or even times of quiet peace in your life.
This is the balanced adult transformation. Not always easy to achieve. It came to me over a long time. Take a deep breath. Say, OK, I won't live as a carefree youth forever. What can I do now......
Beautifully said, as always Phil — thank you! The Becker book is one of my husband's favorites; it's on my shelf but I haven't read it yet, so thank you for the reminder! Among so many other wise words and reflections here, I really appreciate the time you took to share 🙏
I always love your book and podcast recommendations! The passage you provided from The Goldfinch is irrestible. Trying to buy less books this year and use my local library more. It's in my queue. ;-)
Thank you Cristy, I love it! Mine are piled to the sky, so I should be doing the same :D The Goldfinch is a zinger of a story plot-wise (and a bit depressing), but from a craft perspective it's just unbelievable — I can't wait to hear what you think :)