💬 Is there such a thing as failure?
Our monthly(ish) community prompt
“It’s easy to be an armchair contrarian. It’s hard to take contrarian action: to question the dominant narrative, to be honest with yourself, to tell the truth even when the immediate outcome is pain—like losing the chance to sell my company, and instead getting buried under an avalanche of debt. I try to have skin in the game. This time I had too much.”
Is there such a thing as failure? I’ve always said no, there isn’t. Failure is only a stepping stone to success! What is success, anyway? (I’ve always cringed at the word.)
It’s whatever you say it is: for a single project, learning counts as much as licking wounds. Oxford Dictionary defines it as (emphasis mine) “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.” The second definition reaches higher: “A person or thing that achieves desired aims or attains fame, wealth, etc.”
So if you desire aims and don’t achieve them, does that mark the project a failure?
Billionaire Spanx founder Sara Blakely’s father used to ask at the dinner table how she and her brother had failed that week. He was disappointed when they didn’t have an answer! He wanted to celebrate those moments and foster resilience; she credits this ritual for her entrepreneurial spirit and relentless optimism.
A few years ago, on I shared one of my favorite metaphors from by :
“Failure is the frame, not the picture.”1
Revisiting this image now after the recent five-part podcasting series, I see something new. When you stop a project or business, that graph no longer has a chance to surge past the failure frame. It halts at the low point.
However, it matters how you define the frame—what material is the frame made of, metal or wood? The frame could be any one of these 15+ items:
Intrinsic: Creative expression and fulfillment, having fun, learning new skills, a sense of purpose, making a difference in people’s lives, expanding as a person, becoming more interesting and interested, making new friends.
Extrinsic: Winning awards, topping charts, breaking even financially, growing profitable enough to offset production costs and provide a robust living, attracting new professional opportunities.
As for the jagged line—on the left side of the frame is reality: what already happened in past. The right side represents dreams, hopes, and projections.
Declaring a project over cements that gap: the gap between your hopes for what could happen in the future and the moment you finally say, “Based on what already happened, this isn’t quite working—at least not in this way, at this time.”
As cliché as it is to quote our sixteenth prez Abe Lincoln, I appreciate his take:
“My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure.”
This podcasting series taught me that declaring one aim (of many) a “failure” isn’t discouraging; it’s cathartic. It releases pressure, freeing the energy to move on to something new.
Building on our earlier monthly(ish) Community Doh discussion threads, I’d love to hear from you in the comments.2
We know that a project or businesses can technically “fail” . . . but even then, it might be considered a success for as long as it did last (just as a marriage ending in divorce might).
What do you think . . .
💬 Is there such a thing as failure?
Have you ever had too much skin in the game? If you’re willing:
💬 Tell us about a time you considered a project or business a failure :)
Note: These are for paid subscribers only, so that Dohnuts can feel more secure in sharing, knowing the stories and comments aren’t publicly searchable. I would love for you to join us!
Listen to the podcast episode here:
You might also enjoy my Pivot conversation with (quoted at the top of this post)—his book Wanting is one of my favorites!
View earlier discussion prompts—and weigh in any time, it’s never too late!—here:
I don't really like the word failure. It's an "old" word, not pertinent for today's accelerating consciousness. Every experience is for our evolution: a snag, or something that doesn't work as our left brain/ego thought it SHOULD, brings attention to an underlying issue—one that needs to be understood and released because it's not pertinent anymore or one that needs to be felt and integrated, as with new talents. Having repeated "failures" is really either making repeated choices from a similar left-brain mindset/beliefs/shoulds, not paying deeper attention to core causes, or holding a pattern of not being good enough but thinking "I'll overcome this!" (with more left-brain skills like willpower, cleverness, analysis, etc). "Failure" is just a physical experience that acts as a symbol of an internal, nonphysical alignment that is not in harmony with the natural order of the universe. Some piece of understanding is missing that will complete the flow and result in magical synchronicity and near-instantaneous results that bring JOY!