🚬 Smoking is Essential for Your Success, They Said 🙄

You’ll make friends, they said—and at first you did.
It will be fun, they said—and at first it was.

All the cool kids are doing it, they said.
Now everyone else is too, they said.
Where are you? They said.

You’ll remember your life better, they said.
You’ll catch up with friends on smoke breaks, they said.

You’ll build a bigger platform they said.
You can only promote your work by smoking, they said.

But it makes me feel bad, you said.
Then you haven’t tried the right brand, they said.

You’ll become obsolete if you don’t smoke, they said.
Everyone else is doing it, they said.

Again.
And again and again and again.

All your peers are smoking. It’s the only way, they said.
Eventually, you can teach others how to smoke too, they said.

You can become influential, they said.
Brands will pay your bills and send you to exotic places, they said.
It will be fun, they said.

Your work won’t succeed unless you pay tobacco companies to share it, they said.
If you don’t, no one will see it, they said.
Your career will be over, they said.
Pay your mafia marketing tax, they said.

But I don’t want to smoke—it hurts my lungs and heart and eyes, you said.
That’s your problem, they said.

You will learn to be beautiful, they said,
at least to the algorithm’s pillow-face-demanding gaze, they said.

It’s inescapable now, they said,
part of the fabric of our reality, they said.
Just give in already, they said.

You won’t miss your attention span, they said.
It will be worth it, they said.

Do you want success or not? They said.
A book deal or not? They said.

It makes you feel terrible? They said.
Get therapy, they said.

It’s you, they said,
not us, they said.

C’mon, smoke already, they said.
It will be fun, they said.¹

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1. 🃏Please replace “smoking” with “social media.” 🎭

2