In bioscience, processes that occur too fast are often a sign of illness. Thirty trillion cells must live on time, mature on time and die on time or it's cancer-city. Natural, healthy processes occur in what is called "the fullness of time" Try to hurry an apple off the tree and you get a flavorless knob of plant tissue. Our supermarkets are chock full of fruit that has been hurried to market and ALL of it tastes crappy (and its saturated with pesticides and preservatives). The art-world overflows with paintings removed from their studios to gallery walls before they have absorbed the ideas and effort that would make them viable. Movies are produced and released to theaters before the good parts have been written. Businesses are launched with no idea if there is a market. Songs flood the airwaves missing even a hook, let alone a fresh melody or rhythm. Hurrying anything is a disease state saturated in fear. The smell of fear fills the air even if the turd is polished.
Great points Daddy-O!! I love the reminder that "natural, healthy processes occur in 'the fullness of time'" — what great examples with hurried-to-market, flavorless fruit that's saturated with harmful chemicals, and capital-A Art World fart (Michael and my term for Fake Art). I love the line you ended on, too! "Hurrying anything is a disease state saturated in fear. The smell of fear fills the air even if the turd is polished." 🙌 🚫 ✨💩✨
Haha ME TOO re: Daddy-O leaving such thoughtful remarks!! I feel very lucky ☺️ And notes like yours too!! It’s just incredible how they make every post better, something I missed so much from early blogging days, and am so thrilled to have these dynamic conversations back here on the ‘stack!!
Culturally, people have, for instance, startups in Europe *and* they also still take that time off. It’s woven into the fabric of people’s lives and it’s what they value. I typically wind down from the 2nd/3rd week of July through to the first week of September when the girls go back to school. I’m also usually in wind-down mode from mid-December until mid- to late January, a habit that started with the podcast several years back that I’ve continued. There’s normally a few weeks around Easter when I’m in ‘skeleton mode’ where I’ll keep things light while the girls are off. For me, I’ve had to acknowledge that I’m quite seasonal and also have bursts of energy and then need to be quieter, so going hard at it all year round no longer works for me.
Thank you for weighing in, Nat! So helpful and interesting to hear your perspective re: living in the UK and that "culturally, people have, for instance, startups in Europe *and* they also still take that time off." I can't go hard at it all year round either, and I wonder if these people have just never experienced cycles of sprint and recovery? I find I'm much more productive and creative on the other side, rather than a sustained level of constant burnout.
We’ve lost the art of living seasonally, of weathering the ebbs and flows of nature’s provision. This has robbed us of the resilience built of scarcity and struggle and certainty that abundance is everywhere (though not always).
Many cultures still live day to day, engaging with the earth and the elements to eek out what they need for today. They work hard but they typically ‘rest’ hard too. If they have shelter, and enough to drink and eat, they have enough.
Due to the familial nature of these communities people also experience regular love, or at least belonging. Almost every activity is done with others, sometimes out of necessity, often with a delightful disregard for ‘efficiency’.
The guy in your audience wanting to catch you out, is probably coming from his own insecurity in being in the race that he’s found himself in. He’s still looking for that attention and accolades which you’ve recognized you no longer need to strive for.
So well said, Ben!! As always 😁🙏 I love this point: "Due to the familial nature of these communities people also experience regular love, or at least belonging. Almost every activity is done with others, sometimes out of necessity, often with a delightful disregard for ‘efficiency’."
And I had that same thought about audience guy—that he's grappling with his own concerns about his startup, his leadership, his time and energy. Thank you for these nuanced comments that make the post even better, just as you always do!!
I find it SO interesting how different the mindset is outside of the US around taking vacations (holidays, as everyone else refers to them). They take pity on their American counterparts, shake their heads in disbelief at how little people are allotted in vacation time. I am incredibly grateful to have worked for a French company that taught me about creating cycles over the year of intense work, followed by deep respites - in August and in December. I'll never look back.
Such a interesting perspective Jules, since you've straddled both!! I wish I could tell this line to the man in the audience: "They take pity on their American counterparts, shake their heads in disbelief at how little people are allotted in vacation time." That's what Michael said too, when I told him — not only is it socially acceptable and encouraged, but written into law in many places. I love that the same French company (me through you!) taught us both this lesson about seasonal cycles of intense work and deep respite — reminds me of the Martha Beck work-play infinity loop that resonated with both of us so much back in the day ☺️
"My recurring DNS blocks are as follows, and I make exceptions as needed" -- people don't understand THIS VERY IMPORTANT PART. My DNS schedule looks similar, with days off on Mondays & Fridays, holidays and busy-times, and around events and long-peopley days (my soul, brain, and fibro pull a deep "Hahaha, NOPE!" when I do try to make them happen, so why fight it?)
But there are always exceptions that can be made.
Note, that is not to say that exceptions are always made, but that always there is an opportunity to stop and assess whether you can fit something in. I recently heard the phrase "Don't say 'I'm not interested' or 'I don't have time/space/resources/etc', instead say 'That's not a priority for me right now'" and whoa. I don't know that I'd ever say it in my out-loud voice in a conversation, but what a mind bend reminder that WE get to decide what we prioritize a lot of the time. (Not all the time, of course. But a lot of the time.)
I'm interested to hear how the August off experiment goes! And I bet that guy would be too, if he had the open curious interested and venturing mind to attempt his own version...rather than sit on his "Haha, gotcha" laurels. 🙄
Hi SPIRL! Oooh, great nudges around not over-explaining . . . I once invited a well-known author (on a lark) to an author dinner I was co-organizing at SXSW, and here's how simple the reply:
Hi Jenny,
Thanks for the invitation, but unfortunately, I have to decline.
Best wishes,
[Name Redacted]
I never forgot it for how simple it was!! Not even a reason . . . then again, it does come off a little cold, no? Regardless, I love what you said about people missing THE VERY IMPORTANT PART about making exceptions when needed — so true!!
Oof, yeah, that is some bad wording. Decline is such a LOADED word. I decline the event, I decline the invite, I *decline you.* I wonder, if they had instead written something like "Thanks for the invitation, but unfortunately, I will not be able to attend" if that would have felt a little different?
It's like when people weaponize therapy-speak and boundaries. You can have a boundary, we should have boundaries!; but you don't use your boundary "against" others. You invited The Author™ to a dinner, you didn't invite them to stand in front of a firing squad. Their choice to not attend is THEIR choice, and the language they used made it sound like they have to forcefully shove the whole thing away. Instead of "thanks, but no thanks." Still no explanation, but also no malice (intentional or otherwise.)
Of course I am a people-pleaser who lets people down time and time again by trying not to hurt anyone and instead hurting everyone, so maybe I don't get to weigh in here! 🤣
Know nothing jerks like him are so annoying. How does he expect to make progress on his hypothetical start up in France when everyone else: suppliers, customers, key employees are all off enjoying their government mandated number of vacation days. Jenny’s right, August is not the time to put the pedal to the metal in most of Europe, let alone France. UK is just as bad.
Haha, I agree! And soooo true! I hadn't even considered this angle, "How does he expect to make progress on his hypothetical start up in France when everyone else: suppliers, customers, key employees are all off enjoying their government-mandated number of vacation days." You're the best John, thanks so much—as always—for weighing in :D
Oh I have so many questions for this person who failed at being curious!
If you're building a startup that can't work without you, is it a success?
If I can build a company in half the time and with more vacation, aren't I doing better than you?
What is the point? What is it for?
Are you getting what you want?
Jenny, you write so beautifully and these essays speak to my soul. And thank you for the shout-outs. Meeting you on the page has been such a delight. We need a word for a friendship that exists between the written word of two people, because that's where I love finding you!
They talk about the power of taking breaks. They started to test having people take a week off after every 7 weeks of work. And it worked. There's a lot more in the episode, but I thought I'd share, Jenny, in case it provides any evidence for those who want to push back on our push back of driving all the time.
Ooh, thank you so much for finding that link Kathy! Can't wait to listen, and I love this idea of seven weeks on, one off!! I'm so grateful for all of these comments that enrich the original post immeasurably :D Have a wonderful start to your weekend!
Not sure about France, but companies in Italy usually have a mandatory vacation period of two weeks mid-August. Also, even if it might not be vacation time officially, I always felt like nobody’s truly working in August anyways (referring to people in FTE, it’s a completely different story for self-employed folks) so why pretend anyways LOL.
Reading about your ghost car, I got reminded of something: I don’t think I’ve ever had “proper” career goals (whatever that means)?! As in: work was never my main priority in life, or the main piece of my identity, even though I’ve certainly always felt - and feel 1 the societal pressure to succeed/produce/perform in a way that is acceptable and outwardly approved of and celebrated. A part of me sometimes feels still stuck in my mid-twenties thinking I *should* get a job at an advertising/creative agency because that’s what the cool kids do, but then I always get a ping in my stomach, like a signal that this isn’t what I actually, truly want for myself. Nowadays I’d like to go back to school to study somatic psychology, become a certified coach, invest my time and energy helping people feel more alive and fulfilled.
Thank you for weighing in from the Italy perspective Claudia! I love hearing that in addition to a (typically) mandated two-week vacation period, "even if it might not be vacation time officially . . . nobody’s truly working in August anyways."
And what a powerful insight: "Work was never my main priority in life, or the main piece of my identity, even though I’ve certainly always felt - and feel the societal pressure to succeed/produce/perform in a way that is acceptable and outwardly approved of and celebrated."
That's so exciting that you're considering going back to school to study somatic psychology and coaching, those sound so perfect for you!! I love that you keep listening for that ping in your stomach . . . me too, just can't bring myself to pursue the shiny shoulds when it kicks in signaling what's *not* a fit, either. 🙏❤️
In bioscience, processes that occur too fast are often a sign of illness. Thirty trillion cells must live on time, mature on time and die on time or it's cancer-city. Natural, healthy processes occur in what is called "the fullness of time" Try to hurry an apple off the tree and you get a flavorless knob of plant tissue. Our supermarkets are chock full of fruit that has been hurried to market and ALL of it tastes crappy (and its saturated with pesticides and preservatives). The art-world overflows with paintings removed from their studios to gallery walls before they have absorbed the ideas and effort that would make them viable. Movies are produced and released to theaters before the good parts have been written. Businesses are launched with no idea if there is a market. Songs flood the airwaves missing even a hook, let alone a fresh melody or rhythm. Hurrying anything is a disease state saturated in fear. The smell of fear fills the air even if the turd is polished.
Great points Daddy-O!! I love the reminder that "natural, healthy processes occur in 'the fullness of time'" — what great examples with hurried-to-market, flavorless fruit that's saturated with harmful chemicals, and capital-A Art World fart (Michael and my term for Fake Art). I love the line you ended on, too! "Hurrying anything is a disease state saturated in fear. The smell of fear fills the air even if the turd is polished." 🙌 🚫 ✨💩✨
I LOVE THAT YOUR DAD COMMENTS ON YOUR ESSAYS.
I'm writing in all caps because @Margo Aaron taught me this style :D
Haha ME TOO re: Daddy-O leaving such thoughtful remarks!! I feel very lucky ☺️ And notes like yours too!! It’s just incredible how they make every post better, something I missed so much from early blogging days, and am so thrilled to have these dynamic conversations back here on the ‘stack!!
Culturally, people have, for instance, startups in Europe *and* they also still take that time off. It’s woven into the fabric of people’s lives and it’s what they value. I typically wind down from the 2nd/3rd week of July through to the first week of September when the girls go back to school. I’m also usually in wind-down mode from mid-December until mid- to late January, a habit that started with the podcast several years back that I’ve continued. There’s normally a few weeks around Easter when I’m in ‘skeleton mode’ where I’ll keep things light while the girls are off. For me, I’ve had to acknowledge that I’m quite seasonal and also have bursts of energy and then need to be quieter, so going hard at it all year round no longer works for me.
Thank you for weighing in, Nat! So helpful and interesting to hear your perspective re: living in the UK and that "culturally, people have, for instance, startups in Europe *and* they also still take that time off." I can't go hard at it all year round either, and I wonder if these people have just never experienced cycles of sprint and recovery? I find I'm much more productive and creative on the other side, rather than a sustained level of constant burnout.
We’ve lost the art of living seasonally, of weathering the ebbs and flows of nature’s provision. This has robbed us of the resilience built of scarcity and struggle and certainty that abundance is everywhere (though not always).
Many cultures still live day to day, engaging with the earth and the elements to eek out what they need for today. They work hard but they typically ‘rest’ hard too. If they have shelter, and enough to drink and eat, they have enough.
Due to the familial nature of these communities people also experience regular love, or at least belonging. Almost every activity is done with others, sometimes out of necessity, often with a delightful disregard for ‘efficiency’.
The guy in your audience wanting to catch you out, is probably coming from his own insecurity in being in the race that he’s found himself in. He’s still looking for that attention and accolades which you’ve recognized you no longer need to strive for.
So well said, Ben!! As always 😁🙏 I love this point: "Due to the familial nature of these communities people also experience regular love, or at least belonging. Almost every activity is done with others, sometimes out of necessity, often with a delightful disregard for ‘efficiency’."
And I had that same thought about audience guy—that he's grappling with his own concerns about his startup, his leadership, his time and energy. Thank you for these nuanced comments that make the post even better, just as you always do!!
I find it SO interesting how different the mindset is outside of the US around taking vacations (holidays, as everyone else refers to them). They take pity on their American counterparts, shake their heads in disbelief at how little people are allotted in vacation time. I am incredibly grateful to have worked for a French company that taught me about creating cycles over the year of intense work, followed by deep respites - in August and in December. I'll never look back.
Such a interesting perspective Jules, since you've straddled both!! I wish I could tell this line to the man in the audience: "They take pity on their American counterparts, shake their heads in disbelief at how little people are allotted in vacation time." That's what Michael said too, when I told him — not only is it socially acceptable and encouraged, but written into law in many places. I love that the same French company (me through you!) taught us both this lesson about seasonal cycles of intense work and deep respite — reminds me of the Martha Beck work-play infinity loop that resonated with both of us so much back in the day ☺️
"My recurring DNS blocks are as follows, and I make exceptions as needed" -- people don't understand THIS VERY IMPORTANT PART. My DNS schedule looks similar, with days off on Mondays & Fridays, holidays and busy-times, and around events and long-peopley days (my soul, brain, and fibro pull a deep "Hahaha, NOPE!" when I do try to make them happen, so why fight it?)
But there are always exceptions that can be made.
Note, that is not to say that exceptions are always made, but that always there is an opportunity to stop and assess whether you can fit something in. I recently heard the phrase "Don't say 'I'm not interested' or 'I don't have time/space/resources/etc', instead say 'That's not a priority for me right now'" and whoa. I don't know that I'd ever say it in my out-loud voice in a conversation, but what a mind bend reminder that WE get to decide what we prioritize a lot of the time. (Not all the time, of course. But a lot of the time.)
I'm interested to hear how the August off experiment goes! And I bet that guy would be too, if he had the open curious interested and venturing mind to attempt his own version...rather than sit on his "Haha, gotcha" laurels. 🙄
Hi SPIRL! Oooh, great nudges around not over-explaining . . . I once invited a well-known author (on a lark) to an author dinner I was co-organizing at SXSW, and here's how simple the reply:
Hi Jenny,
Thanks for the invitation, but unfortunately, I have to decline.
Best wishes,
[Name Redacted]
I never forgot it for how simple it was!! Not even a reason . . . then again, it does come off a little cold, no? Regardless, I love what you said about people missing THE VERY IMPORTANT PART about making exceptions when needed — so true!!
Oof, yeah, that is some bad wording. Decline is such a LOADED word. I decline the event, I decline the invite, I *decline you.* I wonder, if they had instead written something like "Thanks for the invitation, but unfortunately, I will not be able to attend" if that would have felt a little different?
It's like when people weaponize therapy-speak and boundaries. You can have a boundary, we should have boundaries!; but you don't use your boundary "against" others. You invited The Author™ to a dinner, you didn't invite them to stand in front of a firing squad. Their choice to not attend is THEIR choice, and the language they used made it sound like they have to forcefully shove the whole thing away. Instead of "thanks, but no thanks." Still no explanation, but also no malice (intentional or otherwise.)
Of course I am a people-pleaser who lets people down time and time again by trying not to hurt anyone and instead hurting everyone, so maybe I don't get to weigh in here! 🤣
Know nothing jerks like him are so annoying. How does he expect to make progress on his hypothetical start up in France when everyone else: suppliers, customers, key employees are all off enjoying their government mandated number of vacation days. Jenny’s right, August is not the time to put the pedal to the metal in most of Europe, let alone France. UK is just as bad.
Haha, I agree! And soooo true! I hadn't even considered this angle, "How does he expect to make progress on his hypothetical start up in France when everyone else: suppliers, customers, key employees are all off enjoying their government-mandated number of vacation days." You're the best John, thanks so much—as always—for weighing in :D
Oh I have so many questions for this person who failed at being curious!
If you're building a startup that can't work without you, is it a success?
If I can build a company in half the time and with more vacation, aren't I doing better than you?
What is the point? What is it for?
Are you getting what you want?
Jenny, you write so beautifully and these essays speak to my soul. And thank you for the shout-outs. Meeting you on the page has been such a delight. We need a word for a friendship that exists between the written word of two people, because that's where I love finding you!
This post put me on a hunt to find a podcast episode I had listened to some months ago. It's from Adam Grant when he interviewed a CEO of a small aviation consultancy, SimpliFlying, that has global employees: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/worklife/the-science-of-recharging-on-weekends-and-vacations-transcript
They talk about the power of taking breaks. They started to test having people take a week off after every 7 weeks of work. And it worked. There's a lot more in the episode, but I thought I'd share, Jenny, in case it provides any evidence for those who want to push back on our push back of driving all the time.
Ooh, thank you so much for finding that link Kathy! Can't wait to listen, and I love this idea of seven weeks on, one off!! I'm so grateful for all of these comments that enrich the original post immeasurably :D Have a wonderful start to your weekend!
Not sure about France, but companies in Italy usually have a mandatory vacation period of two weeks mid-August. Also, even if it might not be vacation time officially, I always felt like nobody’s truly working in August anyways (referring to people in FTE, it’s a completely different story for self-employed folks) so why pretend anyways LOL.
Reading about your ghost car, I got reminded of something: I don’t think I’ve ever had “proper” career goals (whatever that means)?! As in: work was never my main priority in life, or the main piece of my identity, even though I’ve certainly always felt - and feel 1 the societal pressure to succeed/produce/perform in a way that is acceptable and outwardly approved of and celebrated. A part of me sometimes feels still stuck in my mid-twenties thinking I *should* get a job at an advertising/creative agency because that’s what the cool kids do, but then I always get a ping in my stomach, like a signal that this isn’t what I actually, truly want for myself. Nowadays I’d like to go back to school to study somatic psychology, become a certified coach, invest my time and energy helping people feel more alive and fulfilled.
Thank you for weighing in from the Italy perspective Claudia! I love hearing that in addition to a (typically) mandated two-week vacation period, "even if it might not be vacation time officially . . . nobody’s truly working in August anyways."
And what a powerful insight: "Work was never my main priority in life, or the main piece of my identity, even though I’ve certainly always felt - and feel the societal pressure to succeed/produce/perform in a way that is acceptable and outwardly approved of and celebrated."
That's so exciting that you're considering going back to school to study somatic psychology and coaching, those sound so perfect for you!! I love that you keep listening for that ping in your stomach . . . me too, just can't bring myself to pursue the shiny shoulds when it kicks in signaling what's *not* a fit, either. 🙏❤️