🃏 Decorating My House of Cards

Image courtesy of The Valerie Gallery on Etsy

Fifteen years ago this month, I published a blog post titled, “Motivated by Achievement: A Blessing and a Curse.”

I was twenty-five years old. It was two years before I left my full-time job . . . and four before I fell further apart. It would be eight years before I put myself back together again, spiritually stronger this time—if one can ever truly be “put together.”

I wrote this post early in my self-awareness journey after attending coach training at the Co-Active Institute in 2008, but before unplugging from the corporate matrix. I was still a good girl, following the well-trod path of career advancement.

Eventually, I would stop chasing the hungry ghost of achievement and move instead toward intuition, spirituality, The Work, Outrageous Openness, surrender, and serendipity.¹ This post was an early start in that direction, and I just so happened to take my first steps “out loud.”

I wrote (original emphasis from 2009):

I have been motivated by achievement for 25 years. It is all I have ever known.

. . . Being motivated by achievement has been an incredible blessing — I’ve set big goals and reached them. And with each accomplishment I felt great…until I moved onto the next one, always wanting more. Which is why it has also been a curse. In many ways I feel defined by what I do, not who I am. I often feel defined by my job and the work that I do (either at Google or here on this blog).

. . .  I am not sharing this with you to brag — I am sharing it because I am exhausted. I don’t know how I can maintain this pace for the rest of my life, or if I even want to. But when I think about stepping off the fast-track, I panic. It absolutely terrifies me because achievement is all I have ever known.

It was one of the most popular posts I had ever published in two years of blogging, striking a nerve with many in my audience who thanked me for sharing so honestly.