I admit that I am still stuck in the “awful business book“ era, but I am more excited to jump into memoir. For the few that I have read, my favorite parts are a combination of honest reflection and humor at the ways that we make decisions and get in our own way. This may also be obvious, but somebody who is a really good writer who knows how to craft a story definitely makes the read better. I like Anne Lamotte’s style for her hysterical wit and ways of poking fun at her own, and therefore all of our weird quirks and anxieties.
Haha, no shade!!! If they are still sparking joy, that's amazing! I just dove into my first non-fiction book in forever, FAWNING, and was so moved by all she shared and how necessary it is for my next era of self-helping, lol. Doh post to follow :) I love what you shared about looking for a mix of honest reflection and humor . . . and the ways we get in our own way. You would *LOVE* Jen Hatmaker's new memoir, AWAKE, if you haven't already read it! i just devoured it, and I pray for only a tenth of her humor when writing my next one . . .
(Anne Lamotte, such a perfect addition, too! Quirks + anxieties + humor + Truth + Wit + not afraid to be self-depricating + hard-fought wisdom . . . thank you for breaking down *why* you love her work so perfectly!)
Ooh, me too, what a great list!! So many I haven't read! Yes to facing reality . . . I am astounded at the courage these authors have to do that so publicly; it's hard enough to do it alone, with oneself, let alone another person, let alone the whole world! What an incredible gift.
I’d never seen that George Orwell quote before, thank you for sharing it.
I remember reading that piece in Slate by Laura Bennett years ago and I think about this issue of sharing often; what we’re willing to offer, what we keep for ourselves. Lots of important considerations here.
So glad you like the quote! I was worried it was a little dour, but then again, both he and Keith McNally are British, so it's just their way sometimes 😆 And that mix of humility implied in the quote - it's a quality I really value and appreciate :)
I love a memoir where the author rigorously interogates their own motivations and actions. You can always tell when someone is trying to put a gloss over their reality. The best memoirists are brutal about sharing their own flaws, mistakes and inconsistencies. I'm thinking of Leslie Jamison's latest book Splinters as a recent example. She describes a scene where she gets a shot in the butt to treat an STD she contracted while also breastfeeding her child. So many people would have edited that out of the story, but Jamison leaned into it and it made for a much better book.
“Rigorously interrogates” — yes! This is the bravery I admire so much, too; in awe of it, really. What a fascinating example with Jamison’s latest. I just bought Recovering but haven’t yet read Splinters, will queue that one up next, thank you! I always wonder: how do they find the courage to do this?! I think the desire to contribute one’s story and serve readers who it can help has to be so strong it overrides even the gnarliest fears. I’m learning a lot about myself in the context of Fawning (a fantastic new book) — the association I have with disapproval = death/deeply unsafe makes it all feel so terrifying 🥺🫣
It's scary alright, Jenny. My goal is to strengthen my ability to face the complicated, messy uncomfortable things on the page. Often, I'm too scared to even admit them to myself and can't bear to have them glaring back at me from the screen. I'm trying to get better at breathing through the panic and reminding myself "it's OK. It's human. We all have these dark parts". The decision to publish those things is a completely different problem that future me will have to figure out.
I published an essay about coming out in The Huffington Post last year. It's a deeply personal piece that required me to face a lot of difficult things, but as I revised it again and again, I found myself becoming surprisingly OK with sharing messy, painful things. If you'd asked me to do that when I first started writing it, I would have hid under the covers. But working with the text itself helped give me courage to tell the story as bravely as I could.
I wish you lots of luck as you find your way through these questions, Jenny. I hope you know that you're not the only one in these particular trenches 💕
@Clare Egan This is all so beautifully said, thank you!! I love hearing about your process, and breaking down one post into all these different phases, which allow you to feel just enough psychological safety at each moment to keep going, taking baby steps, and letting future you figure out the best moves after that.
It reminds me of an interview with Leslie Jamison I heard just this morning: she said she doesn’t worry about what other people who are mentioned will think in the first draft, because she knows she will show it to them in a far-off future step. So in the revision process, she gets more comfortable and clear with what she’s really trying to say. She knows that it might be uncomfortable to share a more revised version later, and that she won’t guarantee to change or remove things, but she trusts in that future process without trying to over-assume how people will receive the piece while writing it. I’m probably butchering the paraphrase here, but between your note and hers, I’m feeling more hopeful about breathing through the scary bits! Thank you again :) And huge kudos on the HuffPo piece — how did you feel after it went live, once the vulnerability hangover wore off?
Thanks Jenny. I’m so proud of that essay. It’s one of my favourite things I’ve ever published, and has remained a guiding light for the kind of work I’d like to do in the world. It was a HOWLER of a vulnerability hangover - oof, one of the worst I’ve ever experienced! But it passed.
I think it makes a lot of sense to trust future me with the questions of what to publish, how to manage peoples reactions etc. I have faith that my future self will be able to navigate that. But current me still needs a lot of hand-holding and reassurance that it’s OK to write the hard things today. That’s where my real work lies 💕
I love that it’s a guiding light now 🥹 The HOWLER of the vulnerability hangover, I bet!! It reminds me of the Jung idea of the brighter the light, the darker the shadow. Your story is such a beacon that sharing these hard things can become a great guiding light and proof we’re capable…AND just get ready to deal with some gnarly shadow working itself out as we do! That is the scary part, and the daily practice, just as you said. Thank you for leading the way 🙏❤️
For me: beautiful writing, authentic without being over the top for shock value, respectful of the privacy of others involved who weren’t necessarily consulted about the content (especially when it involves kids or ex husbands who are often fathers of the kids who might one day read the book), mix of personal stories and broader themes to explore. Great inquiry! Fun to reflect on. 💭
Ooh, GREAT point about being respectful of the privacy of others involved and handling that sensitively -- as well as not spilling guts just for the shock value/sensationalism of it . . . so true!! Thank you for these great additions, and for always being my book discussion buddy :D
Honestly, I like memoirs in which the author shares common (as in widely faced) challenges and if/how they were able to improve things. I read a lot of memoirs and rarely do I think they are too navel-gazed. Strangely, years ago when I was younger I didn’t care for Eat Pray Love. I love All the Way to the River.
I hear you! It's such a fine line with the navel-gazing, isn't it? Sometimes it annoys the hell out of me too, and sometimes the micro-details they share end up being the most humanizing. I mentioned it above, but if you loved Liz G's latest, you would adore AWAKE if you haven't already read it! I made myself a little memoir sandwich with those two and it was absolutely delicious — both such similar, parallel themes and such self-kindness while not being afraid to explore really tough growth moments and inner work. Thank you so much for weighing in here, Kim! What a gift :D
I admit that I am still stuck in the “awful business book“ era, but I am more excited to jump into memoir. For the few that I have read, my favorite parts are a combination of honest reflection and humor at the ways that we make decisions and get in our own way. This may also be obvious, but somebody who is a really good writer who knows how to craft a story definitely makes the read better. I like Anne Lamotte’s style for her hysterical wit and ways of poking fun at her own, and therefore all of our weird quirks and anxieties.
Haha, no shade!!! If they are still sparking joy, that's amazing! I just dove into my first non-fiction book in forever, FAWNING, and was so moved by all she shared and how necessary it is for my next era of self-helping, lol. Doh post to follow :) I love what you shared about looking for a mix of honest reflection and humor . . . and the ways we get in our own way. You would *LOVE* Jen Hatmaker's new memoir, AWAKE, if you haven't already read it! i just devoured it, and I pray for only a tenth of her humor when writing my next one . . .
(Anne Lamotte, such a perfect addition, too! Quirks + anxieties + humor + Truth + Wit + not afraid to be self-depricating + hard-fought wisdom . . . thank you for breaking down *why* you love her work so perfectly!)
favorite qualities in a memoir: honesty/facing reality. Examples:
Fast Girl: A Life Spent Running from Madness, Suzy Favor Hamilton
IM: A Memoir, Isaac Mizrahi
Journal of a Solitude, May Sarton
No Walls and the Recurring Dream, Ani DiFranco
When Breath Becomes Air, Paul Kalanithi
Levi's Unbuttoned and Chalked Up, Jennifer Sey
Scrappy Little Nobody, Anna Kendrick
This Too, John Milner
Hooked, Sutton Foster
And these are more likely autobiographies:
The World Crisis, 5 volumes, Winston Churchill
Exploring the Dangerous Trades: An Autobiography, Alice Hamilton
Thank you for this — excited to check some of these out!
Ooh, me too, what a great list!! So many I haven't read! Yes to facing reality . . . I am astounded at the courage these authors have to do that so publicly; it's hard enough to do it alone, with oneself, let alone another person, let alone the whole world! What an incredible gift.
I’d never seen that George Orwell quote before, thank you for sharing it.
I remember reading that piece in Slate by Laura Bennett years ago and I think about this issue of sharing often; what we’re willing to offer, what we keep for ourselves. Lots of important considerations here.
So glad you like the quote! I was worried it was a little dour, but then again, both he and Keith McNally are British, so it's just their way sometimes 😆 And that mix of humility implied in the quote - it's a quality I really value and appreciate :)
I love a memoir where the author rigorously interogates their own motivations and actions. You can always tell when someone is trying to put a gloss over their reality. The best memoirists are brutal about sharing their own flaws, mistakes and inconsistencies. I'm thinking of Leslie Jamison's latest book Splinters as a recent example. She describes a scene where she gets a shot in the butt to treat an STD she contracted while also breastfeeding her child. So many people would have edited that out of the story, but Jamison leaned into it and it made for a much better book.
“Rigorously interrogates” — yes! This is the bravery I admire so much, too; in awe of it, really. What a fascinating example with Jamison’s latest. I just bought Recovering but haven’t yet read Splinters, will queue that one up next, thank you! I always wonder: how do they find the courage to do this?! I think the desire to contribute one’s story and serve readers who it can help has to be so strong it overrides even the gnarliest fears. I’m learning a lot about myself in the context of Fawning (a fantastic new book) — the association I have with disapproval = death/deeply unsafe makes it all feel so terrifying 🥺🫣
It's scary alright, Jenny. My goal is to strengthen my ability to face the complicated, messy uncomfortable things on the page. Often, I'm too scared to even admit them to myself and can't bear to have them glaring back at me from the screen. I'm trying to get better at breathing through the panic and reminding myself "it's OK. It's human. We all have these dark parts". The decision to publish those things is a completely different problem that future me will have to figure out.
I published an essay about coming out in The Huffington Post last year. It's a deeply personal piece that required me to face a lot of difficult things, but as I revised it again and again, I found myself becoming surprisingly OK with sharing messy, painful things. If you'd asked me to do that when I first started writing it, I would have hid under the covers. But working with the text itself helped give me courage to tell the story as bravely as I could.
I wish you lots of luck as you find your way through these questions, Jenny. I hope you know that you're not the only one in these particular trenches 💕
@Clare Egan This is all so beautifully said, thank you!! I love hearing about your process, and breaking down one post into all these different phases, which allow you to feel just enough psychological safety at each moment to keep going, taking baby steps, and letting future you figure out the best moves after that.
It reminds me of an interview with Leslie Jamison I heard just this morning: she said she doesn’t worry about what other people who are mentioned will think in the first draft, because she knows she will show it to them in a far-off future step. So in the revision process, she gets more comfortable and clear with what she’s really trying to say. She knows that it might be uncomfortable to share a more revised version later, and that she won’t guarantee to change or remove things, but she trusts in that future process without trying to over-assume how people will receive the piece while writing it. I’m probably butchering the paraphrase here, but between your note and hers, I’m feeling more hopeful about breathing through the scary bits! Thank you again :) And huge kudos on the HuffPo piece — how did you feel after it went live, once the vulnerability hangover wore off?
Thanks Jenny. I’m so proud of that essay. It’s one of my favourite things I’ve ever published, and has remained a guiding light for the kind of work I’d like to do in the world. It was a HOWLER of a vulnerability hangover - oof, one of the worst I’ve ever experienced! But it passed.
I think it makes a lot of sense to trust future me with the questions of what to publish, how to manage peoples reactions etc. I have faith that my future self will be able to navigate that. But current me still needs a lot of hand-holding and reassurance that it’s OK to write the hard things today. That’s where my real work lies 💕
I love that it’s a guiding light now 🥹 The HOWLER of the vulnerability hangover, I bet!! It reminds me of the Jung idea of the brighter the light, the darker the shadow. Your story is such a beacon that sharing these hard things can become a great guiding light and proof we’re capable…AND just get ready to deal with some gnarly shadow working itself out as we do! That is the scary part, and the daily practice, just as you said. Thank you for leading the way 🙏❤️
Thanks Jenny. I so appreciate your cheerleading 💕💕💕
For me: beautiful writing, authentic without being over the top for shock value, respectful of the privacy of others involved who weren’t necessarily consulted about the content (especially when it involves kids or ex husbands who are often fathers of the kids who might one day read the book), mix of personal stories and broader themes to explore. Great inquiry! Fun to reflect on. 💭
Ooh, GREAT point about being respectful of the privacy of others involved and handling that sensitively -- as well as not spilling guts just for the shock value/sensationalism of it . . . so true!! Thank you for these great additions, and for always being my book discussion buddy :D
Honestly, I like memoirs in which the author shares common (as in widely faced) challenges and if/how they were able to improve things. I read a lot of memoirs and rarely do I think they are too navel-gazed. Strangely, years ago when I was younger I didn’t care for Eat Pray Love. I love All the Way to the River.
I hear you! It's such a fine line with the navel-gazing, isn't it? Sometimes it annoys the hell out of me too, and sometimes the micro-details they share end up being the most humanizing. I mentioned it above, but if you loved Liz G's latest, you would adore AWAKE if you haven't already read it! I made myself a little memoir sandwich with those two and it was absolutely delicious — both such similar, parallel themes and such self-kindness while not being afraid to explore really tough growth moments and inner work. Thank you so much for weighing in here, Kim! What a gift :D