Save Me

On Exquisite Greatness, serendipity psalms, scraps of paper on the sidewalk, and the courage to tell the truth

✍️ Friday, June 2

Got an email from The Client two hours ago that sent my stomach through the floor (again), Drop Zone style.

They’re up for renewal this month. House and home depends on it, and yet I’m trying to trust and surrender the outcome.

As soon as I shared my anxieties about this on a phone call with a friend, she hit a bad service patch.

The call dropped. “Must be time to switch topics! 😆” I wrote, but the 🫠😭🤢 emojis would’ve been more apt.

While waiting for her service to return, I attempted to take Ryder out but he wouldn’t budge (too hot), so I took the recycling out instead.

After putting the bag in the bin, I spotted a white scrap on the floor.

More on that in a moment . . . but first, let’s jump ahead two weeks, after The News.

✍️ Wednesday, June 14

I was too hot to fall asleep last night, my right ear throbbing with another infection.

What am I not hearing? What am I not listening to? Where is my proverbial hearing blocked or in pain?

I put on an episode of JRE shooting the breeze with Cameron Haines to help me drift off. In a fugue state of half-sleep, I heard a song lift out of their conversation through my favorite new Manta sound headphones (that allow me to fall asleep to podcasts without waking Michael up).

I rubbed my eyes as I rewatched this compelling music clip on video: the guys both had tears in their eyes.

“Somebody save me . . . me from myself.”

The anguished cry of the music startled me awake.

I sat up further to replay the song again, eyes still adjusting.

It was hauntingly beautiful, someone I’d never seen or heard before.

“I’m a lost cause . . . Baby don’t waste your time on me.”

I looked up the YouTube video. So much pain, channeled exquisitely. Nearly 170 million views, 70,000 comments and climbing.

As I scrolled through the comments while listening on repeat, I started sobbing.