Oof, this was powerful to read during a week when I went to my very nice therapist for a very useful session and still felt like it completely kicked my butt. In part, it's because I'm tired, over-stretched, and overwhelmed right now. And in part it's because therapy is really fucking hard almost all the time. I don't think we talk about that enough. We're far to quick to suggest therapy as a panacea and far to slow to sit with folks (and ourselves) when it's just desperately painful to sit in the chair alongside the box of tissues and the ticking clock and talk about all the really hard things you (I!) just can't seem to find my way through.
This is particularly true with sexual violence, I think. People recommend therapy because they feel unable (& unwilling) to sit with me themselves and in a way, that's fine. We all get to set out own boundaries. But the idea that therapy is some easy, self-care thing that you do relatively often and then all the little wounds and challenges in your life start to get easier... that is bullshit. It's hard. Often really hard. It's still worth it for me. I get more from it, than it takes from me. But therapy is ofhen the hardest day of my week, and I think we'd all be better off if we were a little more honest about that.
So my hat is off to you Jenny for deciding to go anyway. Even when it's painful and backbreaking and feels entirely pointless, it takes courage to try. I hope you are giving yourself credit for that, my friend. And if you ever want to yell and scream about how shit it is, please know that I am here! 💕
Thank you so much for commenting, Clare — you're so right about not talking about this aspect enough!! It surfaces so much (says a gal two tiny sessions back in), and I'm lucky to have Michael echoing your words: when I come out of my office feeling raw and needing a break afterward, he says the same thing you did here - therapy is hard. I agree that people don't talk about that enough; how draining it can be, and how much space to allow before and after the session itself, but then all the little aftershocks that arise during the week, too. I sense how easy it would be for me to go to a session and basically phone it in; not allow myself to go to the hard parts — it does take courage to go, and keep going, and I thank *you* for leading the way! And for sharing all that you do about your wobbly AND courageous process along the way ❤️
Did you also read perfection? (Opening quote) This book recently came into my awareness via a Maybe Baby post exploring a reader Q&A about where to live — several commenters recommended it, and I thought it looked fascinating!
I did! Painfully spot-on satire about the homogenous creative class and the cities (and homes) they inhabit :)) It’s a fiction commentary to what the book Filter World is about — the “Brooklynization” aesthetic of everything, globally (or in the case of Perfection, the Berlin version :) Let me know if you do read or listen to it! It’s a quick one, only ~170 pages or so 😎
It’s wasn’t as interesting for my own situation as it was for my wife’s. I’m not a people pleaser. People can go fuck themselves if they don’t like it, but I understand that is not a common belief, so just reading about other points of view and lived experiences is helpful so I get my head out of my ass.
I’ve been doing a lot of work to reset my vagus nerve, so even though I saw zero of myself in this book from a fawning perspective, from a reset the vagus nerve perspective it was great.
I’m not sure if this is the book that said “all anxiety is a lie”, but if so, then that was my big takeaway from it.
Wow, I could use even a fraction of your GFY energy! Love that you read it to better understand people like your wife, I’m sure she appreciates it so much :)
Oof, this was powerful to read during a week when I went to my very nice therapist for a very useful session and still felt like it completely kicked my butt. In part, it's because I'm tired, over-stretched, and overwhelmed right now. And in part it's because therapy is really fucking hard almost all the time. I don't think we talk about that enough. We're far to quick to suggest therapy as a panacea and far to slow to sit with folks (and ourselves) when it's just desperately painful to sit in the chair alongside the box of tissues and the ticking clock and talk about all the really hard things you (I!) just can't seem to find my way through.
This is particularly true with sexual violence, I think. People recommend therapy because they feel unable (& unwilling) to sit with me themselves and in a way, that's fine. We all get to set out own boundaries. But the idea that therapy is some easy, self-care thing that you do relatively often and then all the little wounds and challenges in your life start to get easier... that is bullshit. It's hard. Often really hard. It's still worth it for me. I get more from it, than it takes from me. But therapy is ofhen the hardest day of my week, and I think we'd all be better off if we were a little more honest about that.
So my hat is off to you Jenny for deciding to go anyway. Even when it's painful and backbreaking and feels entirely pointless, it takes courage to try. I hope you are giving yourself credit for that, my friend. And if you ever want to yell and scream about how shit it is, please know that I am here! 💕
Thank you so much for commenting, Clare — you're so right about not talking about this aspect enough!! It surfaces so much (says a gal two tiny sessions back in), and I'm lucky to have Michael echoing your words: when I come out of my office feeling raw and needing a break afterward, he says the same thing you did here - therapy is hard. I agree that people don't talk about that enough; how draining it can be, and how much space to allow before and after the session itself, but then all the little aftershocks that arise during the week, too. I sense how easy it would be for me to go to a session and basically phone it in; not allow myself to go to the hard parts — it does take courage to go, and keep going, and I thank *you* for leading the way! And for sharing all that you do about your wobbly AND courageous process along the way ❤️
💗
Did you also read perfection? (Opening quote) This book recently came into my awareness via a Maybe Baby post exploring a reader Q&A about where to live — several commenters recommended it, and I thought it looked fascinating!
I did! Painfully spot-on satire about the homogenous creative class and the cities (and homes) they inhabit :)) It’s a fiction commentary to what the book Filter World is about — the “Brooklynization” aesthetic of everything, globally (or in the case of Perfection, the Berlin version :) Let me know if you do read or listen to it! It’s a quick one, only ~170 pages or so 😎
I will! Thank you for this! Another possible discussion topic for our low key book club :)
I just read Fawning recently and second it's excellent.
Hi Russell! That's awesome that you just read it as well — did any particular section spark a big aha for you?
It’s wasn’t as interesting for my own situation as it was for my wife’s. I’m not a people pleaser. People can go fuck themselves if they don’t like it, but I understand that is not a common belief, so just reading about other points of view and lived experiences is helpful so I get my head out of my ass.
I’ve been doing a lot of work to reset my vagus nerve, so even though I saw zero of myself in this book from a fawning perspective, from a reset the vagus nerve perspective it was great.
I’m not sure if this is the book that said “all anxiety is a lie”, but if so, then that was my big takeaway from it.
Wow, I could use even a fraction of your GFY energy! Love that you read it to better understand people like your wife, I’m sure she appreciates it so much :)
I naturally inhabit that dngaf energy, so I have to seek out other views or I become a massive asshole. Like anything, it is good in moderation.